Golden Act
by Misha Schmidt
Summary: Kendall is a famous director and popstar, who is looking for his next big break. When James auditions for Kendall's new Broadway musical, Kendall is immediately enchanted by him, but his fucked-up past is the only thing that is keeping him away. Rated M for later chapters. Some Kogan, Ends Kames & Cargan.
1. Don't Look Back, You've Come Too Far

**New story :) Woo hoo :) Just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Madchile1008. I love her so much :D**

**So a little about Kendall that you need to know: He dresses like Adam Lambert, acts like Gustavo, and has a personality like James. He's had a shitted-up past, and he used to date Logan, but now they're just BFFs. Umm... and yeah, he's like extremely gay and very dramatic :)**

**Don't Look Back, You've Come Too Far**

'Are you sure you want to turn High School Musical into a Broadway musical Kendall?' Dak said, rocking back into his chair.

Kendall frowned, and looked up from putting on eyeliner. 'Why wouldn't I?'

'Maybe because it's already a musical?' Dak said, placing his feet on top of the desk.

'And that's a problem because?' Kendall said, putting away his eyeliner and looking over at Dak curiously.

'I don't know. I was thinking maybe something along the lines of Titanic or Twilight-'

'There are so many Broadway musicals for Titanic,' Kendall said, folding his arms. 'And how the hell am I supposed to make Twilight into a musical?'

'You're a director, Kendall. You need to make it happen.'

Kendall glared at Dak. 'You may be my manager when it comes to my music, but when it comes to directing, you're my advisor, Dak, not my boss. Auditions are tomorrow. I'm not going to change it now. We have over four hundred people already signed up to audition for Troy, and about two hundred for Gabriella. There are a little less for the other roles. And Camille's already re-written the entire play to fit the three shows into a two hour show. Logan already wrote all the different pieces for the musicians and Ralph's reviewed over a thousand applications for this musical. This is going to be huge, Dak. And now you want me to just cancel it and tell everyone to slap on some powder and fake teeth and pretend they're vamps?'

Dak sighed. 'Fine. You win this time. But I'm telling you, if this turns out to be a fail, don't blame me.'

Kendall got up. 'Whatever. Are you coming to the auditions tomorrow?'

'Can't. I have a date with a hottie in a water park tomorrow.'

Kendall laughed. 'Have fun. I'm going to get a long rest so I don't kill anyone tomorrow.'

Dak raised his eyebrows. 'As a major Broadway director, I still wonder how you didn't kill anyone yet.'

Kendall shook his head, and walked over to the door. 'That feat took over a hundred aspirins, coffee and a lot of chocolate.' He opened the door.

'Chocolate?' Dak said, amused.

Kendall smirked and disappeared through the door, probably to his bedroom, to prepare himself for a long day the next day.

...

'Please stop,' Kendall said, sounding on the verge of tears. The guy on the stage looked confused, until Camille told him to get off the stage.

When he left, Kendall dropped his head into his hands. 'This is so annoying! Everyone here is either terrible or annoying or both! Why do I have to do this? Why?'

Logan and Camille, who were on either side of Kendall, exchanged looks. It was always like this for every audition.

Camille sighed and gestured to the guy by the door. She could never remember his name. It was either Phil or Will. Or it was neither. 'Hey, you. The next person, please.'

As the guy disappeared to get the next person, Camille rubbed Kendall's back. 'You'll find the perfect person. Look, the next person is a Apollo Hunter. Maybe he's your next big star!'

Kendall looked at Camille disbelievingly. 'Apollo Hunter? What kind of fucking name is that?'

'The name doesn't matter, Kendall,' Logan piped in. 'What matters is that he could sing, okay?'

Kendall slumped into his chair as the guy walked in. Kendall refused to look at him, afraid that if he did, he'd be ugly and Kendall would want to blast him with a bazooka.

The guy started to sing, and Kendall's eyes popped. He was sounding like a fucking frog!

Kendall turned red. 'Get. Off. The. Fucking. Stage!' He yelled at the guy, banging his hands on the table to enunciate each word.

Logan gave Kendall a glass of water. 'Calm down, Kendall. There's over a hundred guys again to audition.'

Kendall's eyes grew wide sipping some water, then resting it on the stage. 'A hundred?' He groaned. 'Take out anyone who's under twenty five and over twenty.'

Logan quickly scanned through the list, crossing off names. 'I took off about twenty.'

Kendall sighed. 'Who's the next person?'

'Um... Barney Radford.'

'Hate that name. Next person.'

'Kendall, it's not about the name,' Camille said.

'I don't care. Next person.'

'James Diamond.' Logan said.

Kendall stroked his imaginary beard thoughtfully. 'Hmm... He sounds alright. Send him in,' he said to the guy by the door.

When he walked in, Kendall's jaw dropped. The guy was, well, hot. Kendall only hoped that now he could sing.

'Hi, James. What are you singing?'

Kendall looked over at Camille in surprise. That was the first time she asked anyone that. But as he saw the look on her face, he realized that she was awestruck by his beauty also.

'I'm singing Scream.'

Camille nodded, and Kendall met James' eyes right before he started to sing. He froze. He knew those eyes from_ somewhere_, but trying to remember where would mean delving into his past, and that was not going to happen. The past was the past, and Kendall was going to leave it that way.

But Kendall couldn't stop the memories from coming. He shut off his mind, but they still surfaced, a boy holding his hand in the rain. And that was all. Kendall shoved it out with force, coming back to his senses, listening to the boy sing.

And his eyes popped. He was perfect, _perfect_! His voice was amazing, he was hot-

'Yup. We got our Troy,' Kendall said, with a sigh of relief.

Logan frowned. 'Are you sure? We don't even know if he could dance or act yet.'

'Logan, it says here on his application that he was Jack in the Titanic musical that the amazing Gustavo Rocque did. If Gustavo used him, then he's perfect for HSM,' Camille said.

Kendall nodded and looked over at James, who was singing his heart and soul out. 'You can stop now, Mr. Diamond.'

James nodded and placed the microphone back on the stand. 'So how was it?'

Kendall smiled. 'How would you like to date Gabriella Montez?'

A huge smile broke across James' face. 'So I got the part?'

'Definitely. You were amazing. Congrats.' Kendall said, looking everywhere but at the boy's face.

James walked off the stage happily, but Logan turned to Kendall and Camille with a frown.

'Are you sure that he was the right choice?'

Kendall shrugged, still fighting his memories away. 'Who cares? He's hot and he could sing.'

'But could he dance or act?'

Camille butted in. 'Logan, dear, if he acted in 'Gustavo's famous Titanic musical', then _obviously_ he could act.'

Logan shrugged, conceding defeat.

A smile broke across Kendall's face. He motioned to the guy at the door. 'Girls for Sharpay's part now, please!'

Camille frowned. 'Sharpay?'

Kendall shrugged. 'I like Sharpay's character. Besides, I don't really care about Gabriella and you know that.'

Logan sighed and dropped his head into his hands. It was going to be a long day.

...

'It's... so... sad,' Kendall said as tears ran down his face as the girl on stage wailed terribly. Logan looked at him sympathetically, as he handed him a napkin. Kendall wiped his tears, frowning when the napkin became black.

'Fuck, of all days, I chose today to wear non-waterproof eyeliner. Camille, do you have any makeup?'

'Duh,' she said, digging in her bag and pulling out a large make up box.

Kendall opened it, eyes widening. 'Damn, girl. No wonder you always look like Carnival. Do you think gold eyeliner would look good on me?'

'Try the metallic green,' Logan said. 'It'll match your eyes.'

Kendall began to apply his eyeliner carefully.

'YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!' the girl on stage screamed.

Unfazed, Kendall told Camille, 'Please get her off the stage.'

Kendall didn't even notice that she'd left and another wailing girl had taken her place. He was too busy applying powder and mascara. When he had finished, he looked up and realized that the girl was finished, and she was looking at him expectantly.

Kendall entwined his fingers, resting his head on top of his hands. 'Listen-'

He turned to Camille expectantly. 'Her name's Jenny Tinkler.'

Kendall scoffed. 'Tinkler?'

Camille shrugged. 'Anyway, listen, Ms. Tinkler. I'm looking for someone who could sing, not a wailing cat. So please get off my stage.'

'But I'm a star!' she interjected.

'And I'm straight. Get the hell out or I'll kick your ass.'

Tears formed in the girl's eyes and she began to run off the stage. 'Hey wait,' Kendall said, and she stopped and turned, hope in her eyes. 'How does my makeup look?'

She frowned and began to cry harder, before disappearing through the door.

Kendall turned to Logan looking worried. 'Is my makeup that bad?'

'Kendall, do you have to be so mean?' Logan asked him, completely ignoring the blonde's question.

Kendall shrugged. 'At least I told her nicely. I didn't shout at her.'

'Comparing her to a wailing cat is not_ nice_, it's insulting to the cat.'

Kendall laughed. Damn, he loved his friends. He gave Logan a big kiss on his cheek, before hugging him. 'I love you, Logan.' He said, ignoring the blush that tinted Logan's cheeks, and the way the boy's eyes shone.

'Guys, could we focus?' Camille asked, frowning.

'Aww, is Camille jealous?' Logan said, smirking.

'No, I'm_ not_-' Her words were cut off when Kendall pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

When he let go, she rolled her eyes. 'Next person, Kendall?'

Kendall grimaced. 'How many more are there?'

'Just a little over a hundred.'

Kendall banged his head on the table. 'This is torture.'

'James is twenty-one. And Gabriella can't be older than Troy. So why don't we search for anyone who is twenty and twenty one?' Logan said thoughtfully.

Kendall considered it. 'Let's try that. It'll narrow it down a lot.'

'Wow. We have about thirty names left,' Camille said a little while after. 'Most of the females were either really old or just in their early twenties.'

'And take out any redheads.'

'What?' Camille asked Kendall, confused.

'Just do it.'

'Ugh. You spoiled brat. Fine.' She began to search through the list again, crossing off names. 'There we go. Twenty six names left.'

Kendall smiled. 'Good.' He rubbed his hands together. 'Let's do this. Give me a name and their stats.'

'Josephine Taylor. Age 21, originally brunette, brown eyes, average height, went to Julliard and graduated with an acting degree, and usually sings in her mom's bar or to her showerhead. And she could play guitar.' Logan said, scanning through her application.

'What colour is her hair now?' Kendall asked.

'What?' Logan said, confused.

'You said that she was originally a brunette. What colour is her hair now?'

'Oh. She's blond now.'

'Ah. A girl after my own heart,' Kendall said, being a brunette-turned-blond himself. 'Let's hear her.'

'Josephine Taylor. Number 78,' Camille said to the guy by the door.

When she walked in, Kendall said, 'Well at least she's not hideous.'

And she wasn't. She was really very pretty. And when she began to sing, Kendall turned to Camille and smiled. 'She's perfect!'

After she finished, Kendall jumped over the table and ran to the stage, holding the girl by her waist and bringing her down on the ground. He pulled her into a large hug. 'I love you so much. Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

'Kendall, you're gay,' Camille said, rolling her eyes at the over-dramatic Kendall.

'Whatever.' Kendall pouted. 'D'you wanna date Logan?'

'_I'm_ gay, Kendall,' Logan said, folding his arms, and waiting for Kendall to finish his little act.

'Ugh, you guys are sooo unsupportive! You wanna date Camille?'

'I'm _not_ gay,' Camille said, and Josephine looked flustered, and very confused.

'Um, so do I get the part?' she asked shyly.

'Of course! You're amazing!' Kendall said happily. 'And you've just narrowed down my job so  
much. Thank you, Ms. Taylor.'

'You can call me Jo,' she said, smiling at the hyperactive Kendall.

'Well Jo, you just made my day.' He kissed her on the cheek and she blushed.

Kendall walked back over to the table. 'Okay. Let's get Gabby!'

...

'Lucy Stone, 21. Acted as a rocker-chick in a few shows, worked with Gustavo, and was on iCarly as Carly's look-alike. She has black hair with red streaks, originally brunette, oh, and get this,' Logan said looking up at Kendall. 'She was Rose in Gustavo's second famous Titanic musical re-enactment . James performed in the first one, she was in the second.'

_Don't think about James._

Kendall looked over at Camille a smile on his face. 'She sounds perfect for that rocker-chick Gabriella you were going for, doesn't she?'

Camille agreed, and Kendall summoned the guy at the door.

'Hey-' Kendall paused, and the boy would've rolled his eyes, but he was deathly scared of both Kendall and Camille.

'William,' he said, glancing at Logan, who normally would've been the only one there to remember his name, but the brunet was preoccupied reading an application form in front of him.

'Right. William, get number 157 in the girl's auditions for Gabriella.'

William nodded, and walked out the door to call the girl. Kendall clasped his fingers together and waited patiently until a pleasant young girl walked in, with glasses perched on her nose. Kendall frowned, looking over at Camille, who looked confused as well.

'Excuse me, are you Lucy Stone?' Camille asked, leaning forward.

The girl nodded and Kendall glanced at her form. 'You don't look like a girl who would've played a rocker-chick before.'

'I'm staying at my parents this weekend,' she said, her face expressing her disgust. 'I had to get rid of my streaks, and get used this shit,' she said mournfully tugging at her curly brown locks.

Kendall looked over at Camille. 'I like her,' he said, then, to Lucy, he said, ' Okay, shoot. Let's hear your voice.'

She began to sing, and her beautiful voice made even Logan look up from the paperwork. He looked over at Kendall, nodding. 'She's good. We have to use her.'

Kendall was impressed. Logan rarely commented on people's singing, and when he did, he made them count.

'It says here also she could play guitar. We could have a solo piece in the end with Gabriella and Troy,' Logan continued, excitedly.

Kendall looked over at Camille who nodded her approval.

'Stop.' Kendall said, and when the girl did, he peered her. 'Do I look good, Lucy?'

She smiled. 'You look _hot_,' she said, emphasizing the last word.

Kendall threw his hands up in the air. 'I love this girl!' He looked over at her. 'Welcome to the club, Lucy.'

When she left, Kendall called the guy at the door again. 'Hey Willis-'

'My name's William,' William said, internally groaning.

'Of course it is, Winchester. Get rid of all extra Troys, Sharpays and Gabriellas. I think we've got our three leads.'

William frowned. 'But Kendall- Sir, shouldn't you give everyone a fair chance?' He interjected, immediately regretting it.

Kendall glared at William with an icy stare, making the boy shrink back. 'Listen here, Winston. I don't care about fair chances. I care about getting what I want, and so far, I have gotten what I wanted. So, go tell those assholes outside to get the hell out of my theatre grounds, or I will go outside, personally invite all of them inside here, including you, then burn the place to the ground with y'all inside of it, and roast marshmellows in the fire. Capiche?'

William swallowed, hard. He nodded quickly, and ran to the door, tripping over his own feet.

Kendall grinned evilly, then got up, stretching. 'Okay. See ya in a few hours, kiddos,' he said to Logan and Camille.

They both shot out of their seats immediately.

'Where the hell do you think you're going?' Logan said, crossing his arms.

_I'm going to rest my mind, and _not_ think about my past, or why James feels so familiar to me._

Kendall smiled. 'I'm going to take a break. Both of you will choose Taylor, Chad and Ryan. Yay for you. I need a rest from all this shit.'

'You're not going anywhere, Kendall. You started this shit, you're going to finish it.' Camille motioned to Logan, and the two blocked his pathway between the theatre seats and the table.

Kendall sighed, and looked around. He considered jumping over the seats, but then he'd soil the seats. Crawling under the table wasn't an option because he didn't want to ruin his expensive Louis Vuitton jacket and pants. And he wasn't jumping over the table because he'd done that once, and he'd felt like he'd pulled a muscle.

He looked between Logan and Camille and at their angry faces, and slowly formulated a plan in his head. He needed to get out of there immediately or else something bad might happen.

He turned to Logan, moving slowly closer to the boy, and he stiffened. He placed a hand on Logan's cheek, running a thumb across his lips.

'Remember when I used to do that, Logan?' Kendall whispered, and Logan nodded slowly. Camille was saying something behind them, but Kendall and Logan were in their own bubble.

Kendall leaned down, and he could see the want in Logan's eyes, and he couldn't believe that after all these years, even after Kendall broke his heart as a teenager, that Logan still liked him.

Logan's eyes drifted shut, and Kendall moved his right foot forward, using it to move Logan's left foot backward.

He allowed his lips to brush Logan's, and desire emanated from the boy's body. Kendall forced himself to no think about what he was doing, and just did it without thinking.

Making Logan walk backwards, with his lips hovering over the brunet's, he felt Logan's lips quiver. The boy knew what Kendall was doing, but he couldn't draw away. The desire had consumed him.

Soon, he was free, and he broke away from Logan, turning away, but not before seeing the hurt etched in the boy's face and eyes.

Camille glared at him, and began to shout things at him, telling him to get the hell back, that this was his job. But she didn't understand. No one did. Except Logan, and then Kendall had just broken his heart.

He forced all his thoughts out of his head, he forced all emotions out of his body. He convinced himself he didn't care about anyone. This is what he was now. He flipped Camille off and walked to his car, ignoring the crowd outside, jumping in and telling the driver to carry him to the nearest Starbucks. He needed coffee. He needed it to clear his head. Because all that was stuck in head was Logan's hurt face, and the little memory of the boy holding his hand in the rain.

**I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while now. So I hope you like it! Review?**

**Chelzi**


	2. Remind Me Who I Really Am

**I'm updating, mainly because this my only free day in a little while. Thanks to all who reviewed, and to those who said that they wanted to learn about Kendall's past, this chapter tells a little about it, about where he knew James from, and about Logan and Kendall's friendship.**

**The name of this chapter is a lyric from Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson, and the first chapter's name is from Don't Give Up by Kevin Rudolf (WWE SummerSlam 2012 Theme Song XD)**

**Remind Me Who I Really Am**

_"This is a man in need. His fear is naked and obvious, but he's lost. . . Somewhere in his darkness. His eyes wide and bleak and tortured. I can soothe him. Join him briefly in the darkness and bring him into the light." ― E.L. James , Fifty Shades of Grey_

For the first time in his life Kendall was scared.

He was scared to enter the theatre, scared that if he did, he would be faced with Logan.

A Logan who hated him.

Because after twenty years, Kendall had grown so dependent on the boy, he couldn't even _imagine_ his life Logan-less. Logan was the reason he was still breathing, the reason why he was walking into the theatre right now, Logan was the reason why Kendall didn't give up yet.

But if Logan's given up on Kendall now, Kendall didn't know what he would do. He felt like _such_ an idiot for playing with Logan's emotions multiple times, he felt as if he was just using Logan and the boy was letting him do that.

God, Kendall had imagined himself to be fearless, braver than anyone else, but he realized that no one can be truly fearless, everyone has a secret fear.

And Kendall's biggest fear was losing Logan.

Kendall bit his lip and looked down at the ground. Below his hard metal exterior was a little boy, longing to just erase the entire past and start over.

Logan was the only one who knew the _real_ Kendall, and he was the only one that Kendall trusted.

Losing him now...

Kendall shook the negative thoughts out of his head, but it was so _hard_.

His hand rested on the door, and, taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open.

...

Kendall stood in the aisle, looking up at the stage. Besides the three people he'd chosen, there was a boy who was bobbing happily, a helmet on his head, an African-American girl, and a blond guy. Camille was running up and down trying to get them in order. There were also a bunch of people behind them, who Kendall assumed were the dancers and backstage helpers.

Kendall sighed and looked down at the cup in his hand, wondering where the hell Logan was.

'Ah. The lost wanderer returns,' a voice droned from behind him.

Kendall whirled, to find Logan staring at him. There was no smile on his face, no forgiveness in his eyes; there was nothing, _nothing,_ to ease Kendall's heart.

Kendall forced a smile, and the same old fear rose up. He pushed it down and forced a smile. 'Uh... Logan,' he said awkwardly. He suddenly remembered the cup in his hands. He thrust it out to Logan like a robot being jerked by strings. 'Here. I bought this for you.'

A small smile tugged at Logan's lips as he sipped it. Then a big smile broke out on his face, and Kendall blew a sigh of relief. 'Mocha. I love this shit.'

'Logan... look. I'm sorry, okay?' Kendall said, but then he realized that the smile never left Logan's face. 'What are you smiling at? I'm trying to give a heartfelt apology here, and you're there smiling like an idiot. Do you know how _scared_ I was that you'd leave me?' Kendall said, his bottom lip trembling as he felt a rush of emotions.

Logan immediately got serious. He hadn't seen Kendall this emotional since he was seventeen. Normally there would be an understanding between them, and the blonde _knew_ that Logan _always_ forgave him, no matter what he did. Logan was never really one to hold a grudge.

But seeing Kendall standing there, he realized that something had to have happened, something had to remind him of what he used to be.

'You remember James,' Logan said softly, looking into those beautiful eyes.

Kendall looked at Logan with wide eyes, and again, the memory of the boy holding his hand in the rain surfaced. He pushed it away, burying it.

'N-No,' Kendall said, his voice shaking. 'I don't remember him.'

Logan sighed. 'You don't _want_ to. I told you already, Kendall, the past is what made you who you are-'

'No,' Kendall interjected forcefully. 'My past is _not_ what made me who I am.'

'Kendall,' Logan whispered sadly. The broken boy who Kendall kept down for eight years was slowly surfacing. He pulled the boy in a hug, rubbing his back. 'It will be alright, Kendall.'

Kendall looked mournfully at Logan. 'Will it?' He asked, before a small smile crossed his face. He had Logan. Logan didn't leave him.

His outer shell snapped back to life and he stood straighter, turning on his heel. 'Let's hear my future dogs.'

As soon as Kendall turned, and before Logan could warn him, Camille had stormed up to him and slapped him across the face.

Logan expected Kendall to brush it off like he usually did, but instead, the blond acted reflexively, curling on himself, and wrapping his hands around his body. Immediately Logan knew what was happening.

_Shit._

'Fuck it, Camille, what is wrong with you?' He snarled at the girl, shoving his coffee cup into her hands, and pulling Kendall around just as the boy's chest heaved.

The girl looked at them bewildered. 'But- He- I- He left us! He used you, and left you! He deserves at least one slap!'

Logan felt it as soon as it happened. Kendall's wall came crumbling down, and his hand clutched to Logan for support. He was trying not to cry, Logan realized.

He shot a glare at Camille before pulling Kendall outside and into his car, telling the driver to carry them to Kendall's house.

Kendall rested his head on his knees, trying to retain control on his emotions. Logan rubbed his back.

'You wanna talk about it?' he whispered.

Kendall nodded into his knees before sitting up. 'It was just – when she slapped me, I felt it. All over again,' he whispered, biting his lip, and looking over to the sympathetic eyes of Logan. 'I felt it, and I tried to push it away, but it came too fast, and then she said-,' Kendall choked, tears building up in his eyes. 'She said that I- I-' Kendall wiped his tears away, he didn't care about the powder and shit being messed up on his face. 'I used you,' he said, his voice a little stronger. 'And I left you.'

'Kendall,' Logan said wrapping an arm around the blonde's shoulders. 'I forgave you. Remember that. I'm terrible at staying mad at people I love.'

Kendall didn't respond, he just stared out of the window blankly.

Logan sighed. He remembered when he fell in love with Kendall, at the age of thirteen. The boy had been so broken then, and Logan had been longing to comfort him. Now twelve years later, and Kendall was in the same state again, and once again Logan didn't know what to do.

He wasn't _in_ love with Kendall anymore, but he still felt a need to protect Kendall from himself. His mind drifted off to after Kendall had left him and Camille in the theatre, a hyper boy had come in, for Chad's part, and he made Logan melt. Actually, it was more like Logan was already melted, and he now was evaporating.

But now wasn't the time to think of cute boys who Logan may or may not have a crush on. He glanced over at Kendall who was still staring out the window, his throat working. Logan thought of all the times he kissed Kendall, and had sex with him, just to make the blonde forget everything.

And he didn't regret a single time.

They were closer than brothers, so it didn't mean anything to either of them, yet in a sense it meant so much to Kendall, Logan knew.

But Logan didn't know what to do now. He wasn't sure how Kendall would react. He hadn't seen Kendall this emotional since he was seventeen, and quite frankly, it scared the brunette.

Even he wasn't that emotional when Kendall broke his heart. Ok, maybe he was way more emotional.

Logan ran a hand through his hair. What was he going to do? Kendall didn't want to remember the past, and that same past was haunting him.

...

_'What's wrong?'_

_The soft childish voice made Kendall look up from his depths of despair. He was sitting on the stairs in front of his house, waiting for Logan, but there were tears rolling down his cheeks as a sign of what he'd been thinking of. He'd called Logan before, asking him to meet him, to tell him that he was tired of life, that he was ready to give up._

_He met the boy's eyes, and they were the most beautiful shade of hazel, and it made Kendall melt. Those same eyes were looking at him expectantly. _

_Kendall wiped the trailing tears away quickly. Before he could answer, however, the boy spoke again._

_'It's alright,' he said, sitting next to Kendall. 'You don't need to tell me. My momma tells me that I'm very nosy for an eleven year old. But you shouldn't cry. It's a sign of weakness,' he said looking up at Kendall with a smile on his young face. 'It shows your enemies that they're winning, that they're getting to you. You shouldn't let them do that. Act like you don't care, and then eventually they'll get tired of you, right?'_

_Kendall studied the young child, wondering how he knew all of that stuff. 'What if it works against you? What if your enemy continues to battle you; determined to make you weak?'_

_The boy smiled up at Kendall. 'Then never give up. Never let them know they're winning. I don't know your problem, but I think that if you don't let go, and you don't give up, you'll win.'_

_How, Kendall thought, how is it possible that an eleven-year old could possibly know that he was ready to give in and give up?_

_He looked at the young child with respect, and was about to say something, he wasn't even sure what, when Logan came running up. _

_'Kendall,' the brunette said breathlessly, as the blonde stood to meet him, and hugged him. Logan glanced at the boy, smiling down at him. 'You have pretty eyes,' he said to him._

_The boy blushed. 'Thanks.'_

_'Logan,' Kendall said, bringing the boy's attention back to him. 'Why were you running?'_

_'Gosh, Kendall,' Logan said, 'I'm so sorry, I can't stay. Can you forgive me this once? My mother's going to visit my grandparents and we're leaving in ten minutes. I have to go. I'm so sorry.'_

_Kendall stared at the boy who was always there for him, who was his best friend since he was five. 'Of course I forgive you, Logan,' he said. 'Now go before they leave you!'_

_He pushed Logan, the boy thanking him silently with his eyes. Kendall sat back down, his head in his hands. 'Is that your best friend?'_

_'Yeah,' Kendall answered with a smile on his face. 'I knew him since we were five.'_

_Suddenly rain began to pour heavily and Kendall groaned. He looked over at the boy. 'Hey, thanks for the advice. But you should get home.'_

_The boy smiled at Kendall, and got up, before slipping on a step and landing on his ass. He winced, as Kendall shot up to help him to stand. _

_When their hands met, there was some sort of connection. They stared into each other's eyes, the younger boy just mere inches shorter than Kendall._

_He broke the gaze by tiptoeing slightly and kissing Kendall on the cheek before running off. Kendall stood there, rubbing the cheek that the boy kissed, staring at the retreating figure through the thick sheet of rain. How is it possible for a fifteen year old to feel a connection with an eleven year old?_

_There were so many answers that Kendall wanted, but he couldn't get. He smiled slightly, feeling happier than he'd been in so many days. _

_He walked up the stairs slowly, the giddy smile never leaving his face, and kicked off his soaking wet shoes, and took off his coat and hung it up. _

_As he turned around, a hand slapped him across the face and sent him reeling. _

_'So you're a paedophile now, Kendall?' a snarling voice said._

_Kendall put a hand by him mouth, it came back covered in blood. 'What?' he said, spitting on the ground._

_A punch in his gut sent him to his knees. 'You know what I'm talking about asshole.'_

_Kendall groaned as a swift kick was delivered to his side. He fell to the ground, pain all over, not only from this beating, but also from before._

_'Fucking little boys now? We'll see about that. You can't do that if I cut off your dick.'_

_Alarm filled Kendall and he staggered to get up. 'Please. I don't know who he is. Please sto-'_

_Slap._

_Punch. _

_There was a crack and Kendall dropped to the ground, unable to hold himself up. He could feel pain, pain everywhere, but he couldn't figure out what had broken. Was it his hand? His foot? _

_He felt something trickle from his nose. Fuck. The bitch had broken his nose._

_Now his abuser was coming back with something in their hand, he couldn't even see properly._

_He was numb, his entire body filled with past and present pain. _

_'You stupid fool. It's your fault. Your fault-'_

_Kendall shut out all sounds. He was going to die. He was sure of it. He opened his eyes just once and saw someone staring at him as his attacker continuously hit him with whatever was in sight. _

_He didn't even bother to plead for help. He just closed his eyes and blacked out._

_..._

Kendall awoke, gasping for breath. He could feel the pain all over, the pain that his-

No.

He'd promised himself that he wasn't going to remember it, that he was going to forget everything. He was going to let go of his past, and live for the future.

'Had a good sleep?'

Kendall jumped before noticing Logan sitting in the armchair opposite his bed. Kendall rubbed his forehead and swung his feet off the bed, standing up. There was a dull ache in his head, and his neck was killing him.

He grunted in response to Logan's question, and walked out the room to the kitchen. He needed something, anything to distract him.

He walked into the kitchen, and poured himself a glass of vodka. As soon as he turned around, leaning against the counter, Logan was there, taking the glass out of his hand.

'We had a deal, Kendall. Remember? You have to stop drinking. It's bad for your health.' He tossed the glass out the window, and there was a faint crashing sound after it fell.

Kendall groaned. 'Who fucking cares?' He said, grabbing the bottle of vodka and raising it to his mouth. Logan sighed. Admittedly, he wanted to take the bottle out of Kendall's hands and toss right after the glass, but he decided that Kendall needed it.

'_I _care,' Logan said, pulling him into the dining room, and pushing him on the couch, sitting next to him. 'What did you dream? You were sleeping peacefully, then you began tossing and turning. I tried to wake you up, but you punched me. So, I left you to dream.'

Kendall glanced at Logan, and rested the bottle on the glass table. 'I dreamt... About James... And what happened after I met James.'

Logan looked at Kendall sharply. The boy was staring blankly into space. 'And?' He prompted.

'I realized why I wanted to keep the past hidden away.'

Logan opened his mouth to speak, but then Kendall spoke again.

'And I also realized that James is part of the reason I am what I am. _He _was the one who told me I should act like I don't care.'

Logan sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. 'So?'

'I don't _know_, Logan,' Kendall said, standing up and pacing. 'Every fucking time I see him, I'm going to be reminded of my past, I'm going to be reminded of every single fucking time that that fucking douche bag-'

'Whoa-' Logan said, standing up, and holding on to Kendall's arms. 'Listen to me, Kendall. Forgot what I said about the past is what made you who you are. No, it didn't. Just listen to me.'

Kendall groaned and looked at Logan. 'Listen to me, Kendall. For eight years, you've been pushing away the real you, the broken Kendall, and you've been surviving. Way better than you were surviving as a teenager. For eight years, you've portrayed the hard-back Kendall, and for eight years, no one could take advantage of you. That's what we want. And if you did that by forcing yourself to forget the past, then so be it.'

Kendall sighed. 'Tomorrow you have to be at the theatre for seven o'clock, Logan. Can you make it?'

Logan grinned. 'That's much better. I really can't stand it sometimes when you just won't stop freaking out.'

Kendall rolled his eyes. 'But honestly, James is fucking sexy.'

Logan shrugged. 'I've got my eye on someone else. So James is all yours.'

'Really? Who?' Kendall asked, and when Logan shook his head, a mischievous glint in his eye, Kendall grinned and began to tickle him. 'Tell me who your secret lover is, Logan!'

Logan shook his head, not giving in, but unable to hold in the laughter. He fell on the couch trying to fight away Kendall. 'Stop... Tickling... Me..' Logan managed to say between breaths.

Kendall shook his head, straddling the boy. It was as if they were teenagers again, teenagers that had no care in the world.

If only.

**I hope you liked it. I'll try to update soon. I've a question I'm dying to hear the answer to: Who do you think used to abuse Kendall?** **Tell me who you think it was ^.^**

**Love Always, ChelziXD**


	3. Who You Are Is Not Where You've Been

**On vacation in Barbados, and I'm paying 15 bucks for WiFi, but what the hell, I might die without it anyways.**

**Thanks everyone for the Jamazing reviews ^.^ I love all of y'all :) As you guys probably realized, this story depends a lot on Kendall's past, so there's going to be a lot of flashbacks. But only important ones though.**

**Chapter name is from 'Innocent' by Taylor Swift (Thanks Wynter :P)**

**Who You Are Is Not Where You've Been**

_Love hurts. Boys lie. Friends Cry. People Die. Parents yell. You always try. You're never good enough & you don't know why._ - Unknown

'Kendall! It's time to leave!' Logan said, banging on the blonde's door.

Kendall groaned and pulled open the door, glaring at the brunet. 'I'd rather be fashionably late than _unfashionably_ early,' he retorted as he strutted back into his room.

'Kendall!' Logan screeched, because, well the blond had _no_ clothes on. He was walking around naked as the day he was born, and he seemed proud of it. 'Put some clothes on! We'll be late!'

Kendall slid open his closet door. 'Dear, dear Logie. Please do calm down and help me choose what to wear.'

Logan groaned and flopped down on the blonde's bed. It was normal to see Kendall naked, because they'd known each other for twenty years, and seen each other naked for at least half of those years, but Logan was really, _really_ worried about reaching to the theatre late.

Kendall flipped the switch next to the closet door, and the rack of clothes began to rotate. Glittery, shiny clothes swung by as Kendall looked at Logan expectantly.

Logan sighed. 'Stop,' he commanded, and Kendall flicked the switch off. 'Wear that,' he said, pointing at a red and black plaid shirt.

Kendall raised an eyebrow and considered it. 'Fine.'

He put on his boxer-briefs and pulled on his skinny jeans- which stuck midway around his calves. 'Logan, help me!' He said as he began to jump and wriggle his way into it.

'Stupid idiot,' Logan muttered, as he walked over to Kendall. 'Why do you buy pants that are two sizes smaller than your usual size, Kendall? That's pretty stupid.'

Kendall rolled his eyes. 'Just help me.'

So Logan grabbed one side of the pants, and he and Kendall pulled and tugged at the pants until it was pulled all the way up. Kendall took a deep breath and buckled it quickly.

He pulled on a black vest, and put on the shirt over it, before quickly applying his make-up.

'Let's go, Logie!'

Logan looked at his watch and groaned. 'We're already twenty minutes late, Kendall.'

Kendall smiled at him, his green eyes sparkling. 'It's called _fashionably late_, Logie. Now let's go.'

Logan rolled his eyes and walked out the house with Kendall. 'Where's the driver?'

Kendall pressed the remote to open the garage door. 'I called and told him not to bother. I want to test out my new Audi A6,' Kendall said grinning.

Logan glanced at the car appreciatively. 'Just get me to the theatre in less than ten minutes, Mr. Show-Off.'

Kendall's smirk grew wider. 'Challenge accepted.'

Before Logan could protest, Kendall jumped in the car. Logan entered too, before the blond left him. He exited the garage and sped off down the road.

...

Kendall entered the theatre, followed by a dazed Logan. They had arrived at the theatre in five minutes flat, although the drive would normally take twenty minutes. Kendall grinned and Logan who rolled his eyes at him.

Camille was already there, handing out what Kendall assumed were scripts to the six actors. He walked up to the stage and frowned as he saw the same boy wearing the helmet, and he was still bouncing excitedly.

'Who the _hell_ is that?' He said.

'That's Carlos Garcia,' Logan said, coming up behind him, a clipboard in his hand, reading from it. 'Twenty-one years, has ADD, has been wearing a helmet since he fell from a tree and suffered a severe concussion when he was seven. Also acted in Gustavo's musical with James.'

Kendall huffed. 'Why does everyone have to act in Gustavo's musicals?'

Logan smiled. 'Let's face it, Kendall. 'Stavo's been in the business longer than you were, _and_ all the actors you worked with before are probably hiding out somewhere to get away from you.'

Kendall rolled his eyes. 'Just tell what's-his-name to stop fucking bouncing or I'll fucking cut off his legs.

Logan grimaced. 'No! He's too cute. Let him be.'

Kendall looked over at Logan in surprise, but said nothing. Then it hit him. _This _was the guy Logan had a crush on. A dark wave rose in Kendall, an unknown emotion. He felt hollow inside, as he recognized it, slowly.

Jealousy. He was fucking jealous of Logan's crush. Kendall swallowed thickly and shook it off.

...

'Okay, punks,' Kendall said, clapping his hands together gleefully as if he was about to tell them a story. He looked at the six persons in front of him, an evil glint in his eyes. 'Here's the rules. You're going to do _what_ I say, _when_ I say it and _how_ I say to do it without any questions. I'm not worried about the girls, but guys, I will _rip_ your dick off and _shove_ it up your ass, until it comes out your fucking mouth, okay?'

Five actors nodded quickly, fear hinting in their eyes at the malice layered in Kendall's tone. But James sat there, a small smile on his face, staring at Kendall, unfazed. _Why the hell is he doing that?_

Kendall wanted more than anything to stomp over and kiss that smile off his face and run his hands-

He cleared his throat. 'You're going to have to work day and night for the next three to six months without one single fucking peep of complaint out of any of you. Let me hear one single complaint, or _rumour _of a complaint and I will shave off your hair and make you walk around naked for the rest of the time your life you spend around me.'

Kendall glared at them, and was a little pleased to see even James' smile falter a bit. Almost immediately he felt bad.

'So, all in all, don't give me what I want, you're gonna be embarrassed, and I will make sure you never walk in public without people laughing at you. Otherwise, I'll just kill you. I'll stalk you down and burn your house or put a bomb in your car... _if you don't do what I say_.'

With that he smiled brightly at them, as if he had just thanked them all for coming there, and summoned Logan with a snap of his fingers.

He looked at the clipboard with the list of names on it, barely understanding Camille's shitty handwriting. 'What the _fuck_ is wrong with your handwriting, Camille?'

Camille grabbed the clipboard. 'It's perfectly okay! What's wrong with it?'

'I don't understand shit on it.' Kendall tapped a finger against his chin. 'Okay, whoever's Chad, go with Logan,' he said as the annoyingly happy Latino jumped up, a big smile on his face, and in the corner of his eye, he saw Logan blushing.

A cold fist clenched around his heart, and he had half a mind to tell the guy to get the fuck out of there and never come back. What the hell was wrong with him? What was wrong with Logan having a crush?

Kendall knew the answer to that. He was only accustomed to Logan's attention on him, _all _Logan's attention on him, and he wanted to be the only one that made that goofy smile come on his face, that look of adoration.

Kendall sighed. He was being so selfish. 'Um... Sharpay, Taylor and Ryan, you're with Camille,' he said, glancing at the two remaining, Jo and James, who were Troy and Gabriella.

_Take James. You two could go in a room, and he'll fuck you into oblivion._

Kendall swallowed, hard.

_Take James._

No. He couldn't. He was afraid he'd do something he'd regret, he'd _say_ something he'd regret.

His eyes met James' and they connected, and it was almost a déjà vu feeling.

_Take James, _his mind repeated. He tore his eyes away from the hazels, and rested on a figure at the doorway. Was that Dak?

Kendall swallowed a sigh of relief. 'Logan, take Ja- Troy and Gabriella. I have to talk to Dak.'

He walked up to meet Dak. 'Let's talk in my office.'

Kendall's 'office' was backstage, near the dressing rooms. He opened the door and threw himself on the couch, as Dak settled in an armchair.

'What the fuck do you want, Dak?'

Dak rolled his eyes, used to Kendall's persistent harshness. 'I have some news for you. You have an interview tomorrow, and-'

'What?!' Kendall screeched, shooting up from the couch, and staring at Dak. 'I told you, Dak. I _told_ you that I don't want to do any interviews! What the _hell_ is wrong with you?'

Dak shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 'It's just to talk about your musical, Kendall! Nothing other than that... I think.'

Kendall groaned and sank down into the couch. Interviewers liked to ask questions, and Kendall never knew what was coming. He never knew what they would ask, and he was afraid they ask him something about his mother or his sister-

No.

He couldn't do it.

'So you'll do it?' Hope was layered in Dak's voice.

He _couldn't_.

Almost unwillingly, another voice rose up in his mind, young and sweet. _So you'll do it, Kendall? And you'll get it for me?_

He pushed it down, but it was as easy as trying to lift a Mack truck with one finger.

He hated this. He hated that he couldn't be happy. He hated his life. He just wished that his past could erase itself.

'Kendall?' Dak's voice broke through Kendall's thoughts. 'Are you in?'

Kendall forced a smile onto his face. 'I'll tell you tomorrow Dak. I just need a rest right now.'

Kendall didn't even notice when Dak left. He was too caught up in his own thoughts.

He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be free from his past. He wanted James...

Kendall buried his head in his knees, and for the first time since he was seventeen, aside from those dramatic tears, he cried.

...

_'Kendall! Come on son, let's go.' _

_Eight year old Kendall raced down the stairs to meet his father, who stood by the door waiting for him. His mother drifted by, a large clothes basket in her hand, placing a kiss on Kendall's forehead, and on his father's lips._

_'Kendall!' a young voice caught his attention._

_He turned to see Katie, running from the living room to meet them. His mother wished them good-bye as she continued on, to wash the clothes._

_'Yes, Katie?' Kendall stooped down to talk to the four year old. _

_'I want an ice cream fudge sundae! And tell the monkeys hi.' She said in her cute baby voice._

_Kendall was going to the zoo, after days of begging, and he couldn't wait. He could hear his father calling from the garage. _

_'So you'll do it, Kendall? And you'll get it for me?' She asked, staring at him with puppy dog eyes._

_Kendall nodded. 'I'll tell daddy about the ice cream.'_

_He raced down the stairs, after shutting the door firmly. He sat down in the car, smiling. 'I can't believe we're finally going to the zoo!'_

_His father smiled and reached over to ruffle his son's hair. 'I know, Kendall. Now you have to promise to behave good, okay?'_

_Kendall nodded again and it seemed like so much promises he had to keep. His father reversed out of the driveway onto the road. _

_'Katie said she wants an ice cream fudge sundae,' he said._

_His father grinned. 'Doesn't she always want that? And she never could finish it.'_

_Kendall shrugged. Katie was going to get it anyway. She was spoiled by both parents, but Kendall didn't mind. He loved Katie just as much. _

_They stopped at a red light, and Mr. Knight looked over to Kendall. 'What do _you_ want?'_

_Kendall shrugged. He never really liked to ask for anything. 'Nothing, really. I'm fine.'_

_Mr. Knight frowned. 'Are you sure?'_

_Kendall was about to respond, when he heard a loud noise, and Mr. Knight looked past him with wide eyes._

_'Kendall!' he yelled, and as the blonde turned to the right, he saw a large bus coming at full speed towards him. Mr. Knight unbuckled his seatbelt, and threw himself over Kendall, just as the bus rammed into the side of the car, by the back. The car flipped once, twice, then came to a standstill, upside down._

_There was glass everywhere, and screams filled the air. But all Kendall could see was his father. Mr. Knight had cushioned the impact for him. He groaned under Kendall._

_'Get out,' he croaked horribly. And Kendall climbed out the window, scraping his hands on a broken shard of glass._

_'Daddy,' he said softly, turning back to the car window. 'You can come out now,' he said, tugging at the limp hand. 'Daddy,' he whispered again, dread rising in his stomach._

_There was no response. Mr. Knight lay there in a pool of blood, and Kendall's scream was louder than anyone else's._

_It was his fault. Because his father had protected him, and now he was dead. It should have been him. He felt a warm liquid trickle down the side of his face. He touched it and his hand came back bloody._

_And then the rest of the world fainted into darkness._

_..._

Kendall awoke suddenly, his heart pounding. He didn't even remember falling asleep.

His father had died protecting him. _Daddy..._

Kendall whimpered. What the fuck was wrong with him? All of a sudden, after eight years of hiding his emotions, forgetting his past, and looking towards the future, and the future only, he just couldn't control his emotions.

Where was Logan?

...

Kendall stormed into the theatre, determined not to let anything bother him again. He just needed Logan, and that was it. He saw Logan laughing along with Carlos, by the stage.

Jealousy rose up in him like a hot flame. He stomped up to Logan, and grabbed his hand. 'C'mon, Logan. Let's have hot sex.'

He pulled the protesting brunet away, feeling pleasure as he saw the shock on Carlos' face.

He pulled Logan into his office, slamming the door.

Logan stood there frowning at him. 'What the _fuck _was that, Knight?'

Kendall whimpered. He'd fucked up again. Shit.

'I'm sorry Logie,' he whispered.

'Next time think before you act, idiot,' Logan said, folding his arms, before turning to leave.

'Please don't leave me,' Kendall pleaded softly.

Logan sighed, and turned to face Kendall, shocked at how vulnerable the blond looked, stripped bare, all his emotions raw and plain for Logan to see.

'Kendall,' Logan said quietly, before walking up to the blond and hugging him, forgiving him in an instant.

Kendall bent his head and kissed Logan harshly, pushing the boy back towards the wall, running a hand up his shirt.

'No,' Logan whispered, pushing Kendall away a little. 'Having sex isn't going to solve all of your problems, Kendall.'

Kendall sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. 'You're right,' he said, dropping on the couch, resting his head in his hands.

Logan sat next to him. 'Who you are is not where you've been, Kendall. You need to try to live with your past somehow.'

Kendall raised his head, staring at him blankly. 'I had another dream,' he said, 'about my father's- his accident. I can't go on like this, Logie. I _can't_. Not when everyday is going to be an inner turmoil for me. I don't think I can ever sleep again.'

'Just do whatever you were doing all along, Kendall. Just forget it. You have a play to direct for the next three to six months, and you have to work on your music career. You're a millionaire, Kendall. You can get anything you want. What more do you want?'

Kendall stared at Logan for a while, before turning away. 'To forget the past,' he whispered. 'I want to forget the past.'

Even Logan had nothing to say to that.

What _could_ he say?

**So... It's not his father, nor is it Carlos... Any other ideas? Tell me :) I love hearing your ideas. They help me to write :P**

**Please review x)**

**Love Always,**

**Chelzixxx**


	4. Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn

**Hey guys, just me, updating... ya. Lol. Um... I wrote this while on the plane returning from Barbados, but felt sort of lazy to post it up. Thanks you guys for all the reviews ^.^ I hope you like & review this chapter too :P**

**Chapter name is from Torn by One Direction**

**Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn**_  
_

_Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you_ – Unknown

'Go out there, Kendall. It's your _job_,' Logan said, pushing the blond towards the door.

Kendall groaned. 'What about all those emails to our sponsors?'

Logan folded his arms. 'I'll do it, Kendall. Stop making excuses. Now go and do your job.'

Kendall sighed and walked to the door, before stopping and turning. 'Logan?' He said softly.

Logan sat in the office chair, looking at him. 'Yes, Kendall?'

'What if- Do you think James remembers me?'

Logan bit his lip. 'I don't know, Kendall. I honestly don't know.'

Kendall's shoulders visibly slumped as he exited through the door. Logan's heart ached to help him, but he just didn't know how. The boy was torn in two, one side just wanting to be accepted, the other, battling against all odds in this cruel world.

He put on the computer, opening Kendall's emails. Opening them, he was shocked at what he saw.

**KENDALL KNIGHT – [kendy_k] - 440 unread messages.**

And 404 of those messages were from Katie Knight.

Logan felt a lump in his throat. Katie had been emailing Kendall almost every week since he left the Knight's residence. But why hadn't Kendall told him?

Suddenly, he was transported back to the time, that _one, single_ time that Kendall didn't ask him for help. And when Logan had found out, he'd been devastated.

...

_Logan walked silently through the Knight house, looking for Kendall. He didn't dare yell, even if no one was home, besides Kendall._

_A light was on in the living room, and he pushed the door open quietly, surprised to see his own sister there, Leila, there, looking lost._

_He walked up to her. 'Hey, Leila. Why are you here? Where's Kendall?'_

_It was only then he saw the kitchen knife in her hand, and she was looked up at him slowly, her brown eyes wide._

_'Leila? What're you doing with that knife?' Logan said softly, stooping down to meet the nine year old's gaze._

_She swallowed. 'I-I came to look for Katie and I-I saw Kendall doing this with a r-razor, and I-I thought I'd try it but I'm scared.'_

_Logan rocked back on his heels. 'What?!' He whispered harshly._

_She looked away._

_'Give me that, Leila. Kendall just made a mistake, okay?' Logan said, reaching for the knife, and when she gave it to him she bit her lip._

_'I'm sorry, Logie! I thought it was cool, that's why I wanted to try it.'_

_Logan nodded. Leila considered Kendall her idol and always thought whatever he did was cool. 'It's okay Leila-Bear. How about I give you ten bucks and you'll go and buy an ice cream, okay?'_

_A smile broke across her face as she took the money from him, and danced out the room._

_Logan looked down at the knife in his hand. He couldn't believe it. He had to see it for himself._

_He placed it down on the kitchen counter and walked up to Kendall's room. It couldn't be true...could it?_

_He pushed Kendall's door open, and entered. The blonde was sitting on his bed staring off into space._

_'Kendall?' Logan said softly, walking up to the blond. He turned and smiled at Logan, throwing the brunet off-balance._

_'Hey Logie,' the blond said, patting the empty space next to him and gesturing for him to sit._

_But Logan couldn't sit without knowing the truth. But how?_

_He cleared his throat. 'I, uh, ran into Leila out there. She came to play with Katie. Where's Katie?'_

_A frown flitted across Kendall's face, and Logan knew the answer to the question._

_'She's with-'_

_Logan patted Kendall on the back. 'I know, Kendall. I know.'_

_How was he going to ask Kendall about it? It couldn't be true. Kendall wouldn't keep that kind of thing from him._

_Logan wasn't even sure himself._

_'Kendall, ah, Leila said she, um, saw you with a- a razor,' Logan said softly, and fear rose in Kendall's face._

_'Kendall,' Logan whispered. 'Is it true?'_

_Kendall nodded, a tear escaping down his face. 'Oh Kendy,' Logan whimpered, holding the boy close._

_Kendall pushed him away. 'How could you still like me, Logan? I'm a freaking twelve year old who- who-'_

_'It's alright, Kendall.' Logan said, rubbing the boy's back. 'It's okay. Just stop, please. I'm begging you.'_

_'I can't Logie,' Kendall said, raising his tear-stained face to Logan's. 'I need to do it. Or- or else I might go crazy.'_

_Logan frowned. He'd do anything for Kendall, right? 'Then take it out on me.'_

_'What?' Kendall looked up, genuinely confused._

_'I mean it. Whenever you feel like- like cutting, take it out on me instead. Do whatever you want with me. Just don't do that to yourself again.'_

_Kendall shook his head violently. 'I can't do that. I won't.'_

_Logan slapped him on his face, and the blond stared at him in astonishment. 'Yes you can. And if I ever see you doing that again, I'm never, ever talking to you again. Understand?'_

_Kendall nodded slowly, before lurching forward to meet Logan's lips-_

_..._

Logan shook his head out of his daydream. That was the only time Kendall didn't tell him about his situation. Now, why didn't he tell him about Katie's emails?

It was clear that he'd read none, but as much as Logan wanted to read them, he refrained. When Kendall wanted to read them, he'd read them.

But it only made Logan wonder: What else didn't Kendall tell him about?

...

Kendall clapped his hands together gleefully as he re-entered the theatre, bringing everyone's attention to him.

'Ok, so first we're starting off with the dances.' He walked over to Camille and pulled took her clipboard, ignoring her cry of protest.

'The easiest dance first, and that would be...' he scanned the list, before finding what he was looking for. 'the dance for 'Can I Have This Dance'.' He looked up. 'Everyone choose a partner, and Troy, Chad and Ryan, you know who you're dancing with. We're doing ballroom dancing.'

The blond guy who was supposed to be Ryan looked confused. 'I'm dancing with Sharpay? She's my sister. Isn't that like... incest?'

Kendall scoffed. 'Listen-' He looked down at the clipboard. '-Jett. I don't _care_ what you think. All I know is that I want you to dance with her, and you _will_ fucking dance with her unless you want me to kick you out on your ass.'

He glared at Jett, who backed away, diverting his eyes.

He heard another voice speak up. 'Um, Kendall, I-'

Kendall threw his hands up in the air in frustration. 'What do you want now?'

He turned to see it was James, who was looking awkward. 'I- I don't know how to ballroom dance,' he said, clearing his throat and looking scared, as if Kendall might bitch him out.

Kendall's mouth dropped open. 'You don't know how to ballroom dance?!' He said disbelievingly.

James shook his head, his eyes cast on the floor. If it were someone else, Kendall would've thrown a tantrum, but he didn't.

'Camille, start with the others. I have to teach someone how to dance,' he said leading James to the back of the stage in a secluded spot.

He turned. 'Are you _sure_ you don't know how to dance ballroom? How did you survive your prom?'

He immediately regretted asking that question, as James' eyes turned dark and hooded. 'Let's just say some people don't have as much rights and privileges as others, okay?' He snapped, and Kendall frowned. It had been such a long time since he was spoken to like that.

'Come,' he said, gesturing to James, and the boy approached him hesitantly. 'Put your hand around my waist,' he commanded as James placed his right hand around Kendall's thin waist.

'No,' Kendall corrected him, taking the brunet's left hand and guiding it around his body, before resting his own hand on James' shoulder. 'Give me your other hand,' he said, and as James did so, Kendall flushed. 'And- ah, pull me closer.'

James pulled him until there was not a millimetre left between them. Kendall stared into James eyes, lost in the beauty of them, before he remembered that he had a job to do.

He cleared his throat. 'Follow my lead,' he said, and Kendall began to move his feet, James following him.

Something was burning inside of Kendall. James was touching him, holding him, and he wanted the brunet so bad, but there was something he needed to know first.

Continuing dancing, he swallowed quickly. 'James-,' he started, making up a mind to ask him now, or else he would never do it. 'Do you- do you remember me?'

James glanced down at him in confusion. 'I don't know what you're talking abo-' Recognition crept on his face. 'You're that- that boy,' he said, amazement etched in his face. 'The boy I saw on the steps!'

Kendall blew out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in. 'Yeah,' Kendall said softly, and in his mind he could see the younger James, smiling up at him, holding his hand. He could see him kissing his cheek before he ran off. His breath caught.

He was torn, he didn't know what to do. He wanted James so bad, but at the same time he wanted to run away, before he did something he'd regret.

He was caught up in James' eyes again, and before he knew it he was moving in on James. He couldn't help it. 'You saved my life that day, James. Thank you,' was the last words he whispered, before his lips met James'.


	5. My Heartache Can't Take It Anymore

**Hey xD Random update... And just so u know... James is the same age as Katie (21) so that explains the whole 'paedophile' thing**

**Chapter name is from Why Don't You Love Me? by Hot Chelle Rae ft Demi Lovato :)**

**My Heartache Can't Take It Anymore**

_Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others... – Unknown_

Kendall has always hated cliché love stories, but then and there, he felt like he was living one.

There were fireworks going off in his head, as James gasped softly, then responded to the kiss, tracing Kendall's lips with his tongue. Kendall wrapped his hands around James' neck, wishing that he could stay there forever, because it felt so perfect.

Kendall felt James' thumbs press into his hips, pulling him closer, intensifying the kiss. But suddenly, unable to stop it, he remembered larger, thicker fingers holding him in that same place, pushing him down on a hard bed, ignoring his pleas for help and slapping him because of his incessant begging to stop.

Kendall broke away from James with a startled cry, and almost immediately, the memory washed away.

_What was that?_

He stood there, breathless, as James regarded him with a shocked expression.

'Kendall-', James started, but the blonde realized that he was speechless. He pushed away all the emotions running haywire through his body and stood straighter.

He had to get rid of James before he did something he'd regret. He put his mask back on.

'You should know better than kissing your boss,' he said, his heart breaking at the confused expression on James' face.

'But _you_ kissed _me_-', James started, but Kendall stopped him short, unable to look him in the eyes.

'Contradicting me? I don't think so. Get the hell back to the stage before I kick your ass.'

Honestly, Kendall didn't think he could touch James without crying. James frowned, and there was hurt painted clearly in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stormed away.

Kendall looked at his retreating figure, feeling tears build in his eyes. He was so stupid.

...

'It's called posttraumatic stress disorder,' Logan said, swivelling in his chair to turn to look at Kendall.

Kendall groaned and placed his head in his hands. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'I can't explain it without making some reference to your past. But it does explain why you had that memory when you were- um- kissing James. To you, James is an icon of your past, and who knows, it may happen to you unless-'

'Unless...' Kendall looked at Logan expectantly.

Logan sighed. 'Unless you learn to live with your past somehow, Kendall.'

'No, Logan,' Kendall said, standing up. 'No. I can't do that.'

Logan was tired of Kendall being an idiot. He stood to meet Kendall's gaze. 'Why not? Are you going to make yourself suffer? You're an idiot.'

'You _know_ why,' Kendall said, his fists clenching.

Logan shook his head, his face taut. 'No, I don't. It seems that I don't know anything anymore, Kendall. Because you don't listen to me. You don't tell me everything. I don't know why you can't live with your past. It's been seven years. Just because your mother fucked up half of your life and then-'

Fear sprang up in Kendall's eyes. 'Don't talk about it, Logan. _Please._'

Logan rolled his shoulders and crossed his arms. 'About what? About-'

'NO!' Kendall screeched, covering his eyes. 'That's enough, Logan. What the hell is your problem?'

Logan immediately felt bad. 'Fuck. Kendall, I'm so sorry,' he said, rushing to the blonde's side, and rested a hand on his shoulder.

Kendall wrenched himself out of Logan's reach. 'Why are you doing this to me, Logan?' He said, staring at the brunet with wide eyes.

Logan passed a hand over his face. 'I just think you need to fix yourself soon, okay? You're gonna be stuck with James for the next few months. _And _you're not living off the axis. You're bound to see Katie one day, Kendall, and when you do, I'm sure she'll apologize.'

Kendall laughed harshly. 'For what? For being my sister?'

Logan stepped closer to Kendall. 'Ken- stop thinking like that. You're scaring me.'

'Just- just leave me the fuck alone,' Kendall said, before turning and fumbling with the doorknob, before rushing outside, leaving Logan dumbstruck.

...

Kendall sucked in a large gulp of cool air. His heart was racing, was it fear? Logan had scared him. In all of the twenty years they'd known each other, Logan had never, _never_ acted like that.

So why was he acting like that now?

He sighed loudly and passed a hand over his face. He sat in his Audi, trying to get rid of the hollow feeling in his chest. He tried to think about something else.

Almost unwillingly, Dak came to his mind. Kendall totally forgot about the interview. At least he was sure as fuck he wasn't going to do it.

He whipped out his phone and dialled Dak, his leg bouncing like crazy. God, he just couldn't get his mind off James, and then Logan had to spoil it-

'_Hello?'_

Kendall almost sighed in relief. 'Dak, fuck it, man. Where the hell are you?'

_'Kendall? Are you okay?'_

Kendall rolled his eyes. 'Of course I'm fucking okay, Dak. I'm calling about the interview.'

_'Are you gonna do it? You should, Kendall.'_

Kendall giggled; it felt like such a burden-remover. 'You're so freaking hilarious, Dak. When was the last time I did a forking interview?'

'_You never did one, Kendall.'_

'Exactly.'

There was a pause. '_So you're not going to do it?'_

'Uh, no. Isn't that obvious?'

This time there was a longer pause. Then, '_Whatever. Do whatever the fuck you want, Kendall. I don't really care anymore.'_

And Dak hung up on him.

Kendall sank down in his seat, letting dread overwhelm him. Why was everybody and everything weighing down on him? He was a disappointment to everyone. What was the point of his existence?

Then he realized with a pang that here was where Logan would tell him that the blond meant everything to him, that he was worth every penny.

Kendall felt tears pool at the back of his eyes. He'd fucked up so bad. In just the span of an hour, he'd pushed James away, locked-off Logan, and his manager, Dak, had given up on him.

Kendall had nowhere to go. He needed counselling, someone had to tell him what to do, or he might go crazy. He might go insane.

He might kill himself.

But what could he do?

There was nobody he could turn to, no one he could rely on to help him. His most trustworthy friend had just given up on him. Who could help him now?

_Unless-_

...

Kendall searched frantically through the last drawer of his dresser. Where was the blasted thing? Finally, he found it, a little square box at the bottom of the drawer, under a pile of random stuff.

He pulled it out, staring at the black velvet on the outside of it. Since he got it six years ago, he's never opened it. He took a deep breath, and cracked it open, the small hinges stalling.

As it opened, a small paper fluttered out, yellowed with time. Before he bent to pick it up, though, something caught his eyes. He bit his lip, as he saw, in the box, a small 'K' carved on an oval-shaped clear multi-coloured gem, lined with gold. He let his fingers drift over to it, extracting it from its slot. It came away easily, a gold chain following it out of the box.

Kendall rubbed it gently, feeling the smoothness under his fingers. Even six years couldn't change its beauty. Suddenly remembering the note, he looked down, before stooping and picking it up.

He opened it gently, the writing on it faded, but still readable. His breath caught as he began to read.

_14__th__ October, 2004_

_Kendall,_

_It's been almost a year since you left, and I miss you like crazy. It would make no sense asking you to come back, because I know you wouldn't. So, I'm writing this letter and sending it to Logan's house, because I know you're there, and I want to say I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry for not standing up for you. I was such a deluded child and I'm sorry I didn't help you. I'm sorry for pushing you away, Kendall. It's only when you left, I realized how much you meant to me. I realized the pang in my chest every time I saw you suffering was because I felt sorry for you, and not because I felt sorry you were my brother. _

_No words can express my sorrow, ever. I'll understand if you don't forgive me. I don't deserve it. But I used all my savings and bought you the chain. It's real gold, and the gem is opal triplet, which symbolizes victory over past pain, and cost a shitload of money, mainly because of the gold. I don't care, because nothing can make up for how I treated you._

_I'm probably going to get killed for this, but I think you should know. Remember when you used to play hockey with dad all the time? And then you joined the hockey team at school, and you were a pro. _

_Mom told me this a few weeks ago, and I realized that you wouldn't have known. Dad was in the 1984 Summer Olympics and he won a gold medal in field hockey. The medal is under the velvet lining in the box. You deserve it, Kendall. Because, for me, you've won, and you never gave up, no matter what happened, or how it happened._

_You're my idol. I admire you for staying strong, and never giving up. I love you._

_And no matter what happens now, I'll be waiting for you. I don't care what anyone tells me, I'll wait. I don't care if I wait forever._

_I'll write my number at the bottom of this letter, and I'm begging you to call me, Kendall. I'll never change that number. If I lose it, I'll just buy it back. But I'll be waiting for you to call me. _

_I really hope you forgive me. _

_Love always,_

_Katie._

Kendall stared at her curly signature at the bottom of the page. He swallowed hard. His trembling hand went towards the back, his other hand clutching the paper tightly.

Daddy was never in the Olympics. Or else he would've told Kendall. Katie was lying. It was just this big setup.

Still, Kendall couldn't stop his hand from moving toward the velvet. He raised it slowly, and his breath caught. There, at the bottom of the box, was an Olympic gold medal, winking in the light.

He exhaled slowly, as he lifted the heavy pendant out of its place. His thumb ran over the 'XX111 OLYMPIAD LOS ANGELES 1984' engraving on it. It was true. As he held it, emotions overwhelmed him.

_You deserve it, Kendall. Because, for me, you've won, and you never gave up, no matter what happened, or how it happened._

Kendall's jaw clenched as he let his gaze drift down to the number scrawled under her signature. Katie would've been fourteen when she wrote this. She should be twenty-one by now. He needed to talk to someone now. Before something went haywire.

He bit his lip, and, clenching the necklace, medal and letter in one hand, he rested the box on the dresser and pulled out his phone and dialled the number.

**Whew. The chapter gave me so much freaking trouble, it's not even funny. But I finished :) Review? Please :P Tell me whatcha think! What do you think is gonna happen between Kendall and Katie? O.o **

**Ily! **

**Chelzixoxo **


	6. Fifty Shades of Fucked-Up

Kendall adjusted the sunglasses on his face as he looked around warily. He was sitting on a table outside a restaurant, sipping on a Strawberry milkshake that tasted like shit. Not that he knew what shit tasted like.

He looked around, not even the bitter taste of the shake nor the iciness doing much to calm his jittery nerves, as his mind raced with thoughts and memories. Waiting for Katie to arrive was getting to his head. What was she going to look like? Would she even _come_?

He bit his lip, chewing on it nervously as he set the cup down, mentally recording the name of the restaurant and contemplating whether to sue them for giving him shitty-tasting strawberry milkshake.

It would be kind of awkward, he thought, if Katie was actually the owner of the company. Ha.

The thought of Katie brought back the million-and-one questions that plagued him. What job was she working for? Was she working? Was she in university?

A voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Kendall Knight?"

He looked up to see a woman in a jeans and a shirt. He groaned internally. If she'd come to ask him for his autograph, he'd go mad. He wore the glasses to at _least_ get some privacy for once.

He stood. "Yes?"

There was something about her eyes that struck him familiar. And then he remembered. Those same eyes, anger etched in them as he cowered in the ground in fear.

His mother's eyes.

The word slipped out before he could stop it, his voice was shaking, his hands were trembling, heart racing a hundred miles per hour. He stepped back, fear washing over him, leaving him feeling cold and vulnerable.

"Mom?"

...

"Kendall? It's me. Katie," she said, her voice pulling Kendall from going into possibly permanent shock.

"Ka-Katie," he said, the word feeling hard and unfamiliar in his mouth. She didn't _look _like Katie anymore. She was too grown up, and Kendall was beginning to think that maybe she'd grown out her nickname. "Katelyn."

Her face twisted into a grimace at her full name, before it transformed into a full smile. She pulled Kendall into a hug. "Kendall," she breathed. "I can't believe that after all these years..." she trailed off, relishing in the moment.

Kendall, on the other hand, was stiff as a board. Maybe he thought he could've done this, maybe he thought that he could've accepted Katie back into his life without second thought.

But he was wrong.

She looked so much like Jennifer Knight. The hair, the eyes, the face, the _voice_. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly; trying to relinquish any memories that were coming back, but it was futile.

Katie sensed his pain, just from the hug.

"Sorry," she said, pulling back. "You okay, big bro?"

_Big bro._ She hadn't called him that since... a _long_ time. After all that happened, she just wanted to act like everything was like before?

It _wasn't._

And maybe it never will be.

He looked down at her staring up at him with joy and love in his eyes, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't just forget everything that happened and take her back.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

He drew back slowly.

When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper.

"I can't do this."

...

James awoke from an amazing sleep due to some asshole banging on his door. He shook his head clear of thoughts that a certain green-eyed blond filled, and, not bothering to check himself in the mirror, he dragged his ass down the stairs to open the door and get rid of whoever the hell woke him up.

He leaned his head against the door tiredly, before unlocking the chain and opening it up.

"Listen ass-"

He stopped immediately, eyes wide. Kendall was standing there, his eyes were red, and there were mascara streaks making their way down his face and ruining his make-up.

"Kendall? What's wrong?" James, asked filled with concern.

The blond bit his lip. "I'm sorry for waking you up," he whispered. "Can I talk to you?"

...

"Logan hates me," Kendall mumbled, sinking into James' couch. "Logan hates me, Dak hates me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not your most favourite person right now."

James frowned. "So why choose me?"

Kendall looked up at him, his green eyes wide. "When we met all those years ago, how did you know to say those things?"

James twisted his face. "I was eleven. I probably didn't know what I was saying. I don't even remember anything."

But he did. He remembered every single thing that occurred then, every word uttered by him or Kendall.

"I do," Kendall said, passing a hand over his face. "I live by those words every day."

"You took advice from an eleven year old?" James said, gazing at the blonde.

Kendall shrugged. "So far it's worked well for me."

James moved closer to Kendall, wrapping a hand around the man's shoulders, ignoring the way he stiffened.

"Tell me what's wrong, Kendall," he whispered into Kendall's ear.

So Kendall told him.

...

"Whoa," was all James could say when Kendall was finished. He was shocked to learn that he had been through so much in his lifetime.

"I don't know what to do," Kendall whispered, sinking into James' embrace.

"But you're okay now," James said, holding Kendall tightly. "You're okay now, why are you so hung up on the past?"

"I can't help it," Kendall said, his voice breaking, and suddenly, his hands were fisting in James shirt and he was crying helplessly, James' arms around him, whispering soothing messages into his ear.

...

Kendall awoke, immediately wondering where the hell he was. He got up, James' arm falling from around his shoulders. James' arm? His head shot to the left, heart palpitating as he saw James laying back on the couch, his chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, his lips slightly parted. Kendall breathed in sharply.

James looked so beautiful, it hurt. He felt bad for dragging the brunet into his problems. He passed a hand over his face, sighing loudly. He had to leave before James woke up. He looked at the time. It was nine o'clock; Logan would still be awake.

Kendall walked over to the window, looking out into the night, up at the stars, remembering a promise that Logan made him years ago.

A promise that if they were ever apart, they would both look at the stars and remember that no matter where they were in the world, they were under the same sky, looking at the same stars.

Was he looking at the stars now?

...

Logan looked up at the stars, wondering where Kendall was. He felt so bad for what had happened the day before. He gazed at the stars, seeing the different constellations as they appeared to him.

His gaze drifted over the night sky. Capricorn, Taurus, Big Dipper, and Kendall's favourite, Orion. He could see them all.

He wondered if Kendall could see them also.

...

Kendall looked over at James, feeling bad for leaving the brunet by himself. The blonde placed a kiss on his forehead, freezing as James stirred. He breathed a sigh of relief as the brunet sighed softly and continued sleeping.

He walked out the door, hopping in his car. As he drove, ideas kept spinning in his head.

Was this even a good idea?

When he reached the house he was looking for, he came out, walking hesitantly up to the door. He reluctantly raised a hand and knocked on the door which opened, revealing Logan, who breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw the blonde.

"Look, Logan-", Kendall started, but was cut off as Logan engulfed him in a huge hug.

"I'm sorry, Kendall," Logan said, "I was an idiot. I'm sorry."

Kendall would lie if he said he wasn't crying. He was so scared he'd lose Logan. "I'm sorry, too," he replied softly, resting his head on Logan's shoulder.

They went inside, Logan's hand wrapped loosely around Kendall's waist, before the brunet turned to him with wide eyes.

"Give me your hand, Kendall," Logan said sharply.

Kendall looked up at him, eyes narrowing. "Why?"

Logan sighed. "You know why. Last time we had a fight, you cut yourself, and that was the only reason you apologized afterwards. Because you felt awful."

Kendall sighed, holding out his left hand. "You don't trust me?" He asked as Logan sighed in relief when he saw that the scarred hand had no new scars.

"So what happened?" Logan asked, curiously.

A small smile formed on Kendall's face. "James happened," he said softly, walking over to the window and looking up at the night sky, mirroring his position from earlier, when he was at James'.

The smile never left his face as he looked back at Logan. "Orion's out," he said, before turning back around to gaze at the sky.

When they were fifteen, Orion was his favourite constellation. It meant good luck to him. It was there when he had his first date with Logan; it was there whenever he needed it. Especially after he left that hellhole for good, that same night, it was there.

Logan swallowed slowly. There was a reason why he always excelled at a young age. He never forgot. He remembered all too well, every touch, every kiss. He frowned. What was wrong with him? What about Carlos? He yearned to touch the blonde, but refrained.

He bit his lip, holding back tears, remembering every starry night he spent with Kendall. He remembered every starry night he saved Kendall's life.

When he spoke, he spoke in the only other language he that Kendall knew, because he was sure his voice would've broken otherwise.

His voice was soft. "¿Qué hacer cuando el chico que te rompió el corazón… es el único que puede arreglarlo?"

Kendall looked back at Logan with wide eyes, the boy who's saved his life more than once.

The boy whose heart he'd broken more than once.

Logan could see the exact second his words sink in:

_What do you do when the boy who's broken your heart... is the only one that can fix it?_

_..._

James awoke, immediately missing Kendall's warmth. Where did he go?

He stretched and looked around, before hearing a car drive off. A feeling of dread filled his stomach. Kendall left him.

Kendall left him.

The words repeated in his head, over and over. _Kendall left me._

He was never good enough for anyone, was he? His self-esteem dropped a notch, and suddenly the urge rose up in him. He need to something, anything.

_Anything_, to put his heart at ease.

No, not a razor. He'd given that up a long time ago, and he was determined to stay away from that addiction.

He pulled up his long sleeve, looking at the bunch of rubber bands there by his wrist. He pulled one, gasping sharply as he let it go against his skin, the stinging sending thrills down his spine. He repeated it, multiple times with the different rubber bands before he couldn't take it anymore, he just broke down and cried.

He had been heart-broken too much. He trusted people, and they broke his heart.

_Sick with myself, but I've got no one else..._

He parts the rubber bands, looking blankly at the swollen, red line around his wrist.

_So I give it to myself, it's the only thing that helps..._

He didn't understand _why_, why he was the one to be broken all the time. Why he was the one who was weak. He laughs softly.

_It's the same thing, this pain thing that keeps me from sleeping..._

His heart yearns for Kendall, he doesn't know what it is about the blonde, but he _needs_ him. He grabs all the rubber bands at once, and pull them back so far, that a few burst, but that doesn't deter him. He lets them go on his skin, screaming as they make contact. The pain laces through his body, letting him know that he's still alive... and he's not dreaming.

_Now don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and the sky... all we are is dust in the wind..._

**Sorry if it was a little too sentimental... School opens tomorrow, and I also feel a little depressed. Um. Review? Makes me feel a bit happier...**

**Last quote was from Dust in The Wind by Kansas, and the three quotes before that are from The Loss by Hollywood Undead. "Fifty Shades of Fucked Up", by well, you know - FSOG. **

**I hope you liked it, I'll try to update soon.**

**Love,**

**Chelzi xo.**


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